When I was a kid (and Nixon was President), the only things we had to fear in our Halloween candy haul were urban legends. No razor blades, poison, or LSD appeared during my mom’s careful inspection – although I did get some stale cookies and the occasional religious tract from people too religious and stingy to part with some M&Ms.
Now, a good Samhain sugar binge may have gone the way of riding in dad’s lap while he drove, making ashtrays at summer camp for gift-giving, and just about every piece of baby furniture I touched growing up. But even candy can be safely enjoyed in moderation – chocolate has even become health food. But outside of avoiding White Rabbit melamine and formaldehyde sweets, we are finally in the clear, right?
Nope. There are tiny little tooth bombs hiding in that bag, ready to suck the last sweet drops of fun out. Seems those “sour” candies are even more dangerous than the old-fashioned gum drops and Milk Duds:
Halloween Horror: California Dental Hygienists Issue Warning About the Dangers of Sour Candy
Popular New Generation of Candy Almost Like Eating Battery Acid
Great. Battery acid. And I thought the biggest danger these days was the stupid candy corn song on Noggin! So read the whole press release and then sit on your hands when you see that third box of Sour Patch Kids go down junior’s gullet.
And for those without small children and digital cable: